Alpacas, Jex, and Lambdas

Saturday, August 25, 2018

I looked at the counter. Amongst a host of standard issue counter-top items sat a pair of salt and pepper shakers. But these weren't you're average ordinary everyday S.A.P. shakers, no; they were two little alpacas, one white and one brown. I stopped mid-sentence and had to point out how wonderful they were to Brooke. They were objectively cute, there was no way a person could deny it. If I ever get around to buying S.A.P shakers, I'd definitely try to find some like these.

Later, I finished taking Jex on a walk. She got sprayed by a skunk. Again. *sigh.. But as I started walking away, I turned my head for one last look. There she was, sitting in the opening of the gate, ears perked, eyes full of longing, begging for me not to leave; she was the canine epitome of quintessential pulchritude. I wanted to turn around and pet her one more time, but, having already did this once, had to keep walking and leave her behind.

At dinnertime, I asked what everybody's favorite Greek letter was. Some said Ξ, others said Σ, or θ, but I will never be wavered from holding it to be true in my mind that λ is by far the best and cutest of the letters. Lambda is just objectively perfect.

A Day Off Work (Almost)

Friday 27th, 2018

I don't usually get paid to go hiking up a mountain, but when I do, I doubly enjoy every second of it.

It started as an average payday. I awoke at 3:20am with enough time to pack a lunch and drive all the way to Casper to be on time for the safety meeting. There was plenty of amusing conversation before we got started, probably the most notable of which were the comments when Lorne walked in. Lorne is a 50-something year-old guy who's been working here for at least twenty years. It was his day off today though, so he didn't come in his work clothes, because he only had to be there for the safety meeting and that was it. And therein lay the problem. When he walked in, he was wearing khaki shorts with a matching Hawaiian short-sleeve shirt with sandals and hat to boot. It was... something. We definitely weren't prepared for it. Somebody said, "I could've gone all day without seeing that, Lorne!" We all laughed and joked about it for a bit.

After the safety meeting we all were handed our paychecks. Besides only getting paid for 98.5 hours for two weeks of work instead of the correct 145 hours, it went off without a hitch. But I didn't let that dampen my spirits at all, this was going to be a great day; hopefully we'll get the hours fixed later. Anyways, everybody else loaded up and left, leaving Kylie and I behind. We had to go to a different location today to do a little job real quick that should only take a day to do. Kylie started telling Van (the big boss man) about how excited I was for this job, and how I'd specifically asked Kyle (our foreman) to get put on this job. Even after they both told me how steep it was, and how it might rain and be super muddy, I was just as stoked, if not more so. Van then said, "You know there is such a thing as a suspicion-of-use drug test, right? We might have to send you down to Cedar's Health today." hahae, it was pretty funny. After that Van ended up showing me how you can text a picture to an email account. My mind was blown at this new prospect of technological prowess, and it worked! Van and Kylie were pretty amused at my lack of tech-acumen, especially for being a twenty-something college student. Kylie said, laughing, "That's why I love working with this guy! You get stuff like this all the time!" Eventually though it was time to head out to the mountain. First though we had to wait for the dump to open at 7:30, so we basically sat around for another hour before leaving. Besides getting lost in the dump for half an hour and not knowing where to dump our trash, it went off without a hitch.

By and by we made it to the main event of the day. We pulled up a little gravel driveway-like thing that stopped close to the base of Casper Mountain. From there on it was just a pipeline right-of-way leading up and over the mountain. A good ways up there was a parked excavator where they had dug to reveal the pipeline beneath. There was a knick in the pipe that needed to get fixed, so they were going to cut out 28 inches of pipe and replace it with some new stuff. This of course required a welder. And everybody knows that welders require welding machines. This is slightly problematic, because welding machines weigh several thousand pounds and are not moved up steep mountains easily. Even if they're in the back of the welder's truck. This grade was simply too steep to drive up with anything but a trackhoe, and that's why we were there. Since the welding machine couldn't make it up there, we'd have to drag a couple hundred feet of leads up there so he could connect his machine to them at the bottom and weld with them up top. It was going to be a great hike!

Kylie and I each threw half the leads on our shoulders and we started up. By the time we got to the bottom of the part where it got really steep, we had to take a quick breather. And then the real fun began. It wasn't quite so steep that you needed to climb it with your hands, but it was steep enough that if you didn't lean forward dramatically the weight of the leads would pull you backwards and make you tumble down the mountain at a decent speed. How do I know this? Well actually I just decided it was true at the moment I was teetering on the edge of my balance and was wondering what would happen if I fell backwards. Imagination is a great motivator, and so I didn't actually lose my balance and fall backwards, but I'm still convinced it would've been fun for about five seconds before it started to hurt. Anyways, we made it to the top without incident. Besides the leads being all tangled up and having to untie them for twenty minutes, it went off without a hitch and we strung them out down the mountain successfully.

After that we had a little bit of barb-wire installation to do and a little of gravel-grading as well, and by the time we were done with that it was almost one o'clock. Now all we had to do was tow the broken-down truck that was there back to the shop. We found a clevice and got the towline we had brought, and thankfully both trucks had tow hooks on them, so it went on without a hitch. Then it was only a matter of driving down the mountain in a truck with manual steering and manual brakes being towed with a short rope. It's been a couple years since I've gotten to do this, so it was fun to drive it again.

And that was about it. We got off early at two for a nine hour day and that was that. It felt like a day off! Now I'm all rested up to hit it hard tomorrow morning when I get back to work. Lez do it!

Land Of The Half-Remembered

Wednesday, July 11, 2018

A transitory gleam chanced to reveal its presence through the window pane. It passed almost as quickly as it came, but even in such a short amount of time it managed to steal something from you: drowsiness. Interest piqued, you approach the door to the outer realm and with outstretched hand gave it a turn and a push. It glides open noiselessly, letting the cool night air in with such an ever slight motion that one would hardly have noticed it except for the stillness of the night. A lonely insect hums in a clump of grass. Others join him. What was it that drew you out here this late at night? You aren't quite sure. Perhaps nobody will ever know. Nevertheless, you stand there waiting, waiting for something to happen. Then of a sudden, it happens. A small gust of wind presses against the grass and sends it waving in so many spirals like the waves of the sea at dawn. A scent wafts along with that breath of wind, a scent that reminds you of something, but you can't quite put your finger down on it. You take another deep breath and.... there it is. You remember. Rain. A storm is brewing. It's not quite there yet, but you know it's coming. The night has betrayed itself, its intentions are known. The Silence and the utter Darkness have declared it and the Wind and the Grass have both confirmed it.

And then, a flicker. For a second the entire world is alight, you see two trees standing a ways away. They seem fairly close, and slightly tall. And then there's also... something. There's something else out there that you didn't have time to see, but it is dark once again. And you must see it. You wait. A dozen seconds pass, and you catch another glimpse; it's just a far off treeline making it's way across the horizon. Gazelles are over there somewhere all bedded down, and the ducks have surely taken refuge as well. And it's a good thing too, for there was something else you saw that was dark and foreboding, snaking its way along daring anyone to dare and cross its path. He swallows things whole, takes them away, and no-one ever sees them again. He is a beast. Another flash among the shapeless clouds above, and... you were wrong. He was not at all ominous, he was a river. But it was a sad river that wound its way through the darkness. STRIKE! A bolt of Lightning deigns to descend from the upper reaches of the sky and strike some distant object. The sheer power of it leaves you in awe, and moments later the thunder rolls across the sky and echos into the night. And then another strike. And another. It's a lightning storm; there's dark, foreboding clouds and even some wind, but nary a drop of rain. The lightning keeps up, the land is almost continually bright. Your attention is bound and captive, and you just stare as lightning bolt after lightning bolt strikes the ground in the distance. Some of the lightning just bounces between the clouds like a game of pinball. And the Thunder. It's almost as if two armies are shooting off round after round of artillery fire, each trying to outdo the other.

Then there is a slight pause in the storm. Things are beginning to slow down, the lightning is coming less and less often. And then... KKRRFLAM!!! Lightning strikes just on the other side of the river, and the thunder takes no pause but immediately sounds out in a deafening boom. You jump up off the ground as your head snaps to the left in the direction from which it came. Your heart beats faster than when you hear your name being called out by that Special Someone. Your nerves are shattered by the unexpected savagery of the lightning. You tremble. You had let your guard down, and at that moment, it struck.

A drop of water hits the ground in front of you, and then another. It starts slow, but grows steadier and steadier. Now comes the rain. The lightning decides to come back again, and the wind picks up its pace and brings even more rain on its tail. Things are now set in motion that cannot be undone. You are about to witness The Storm. A chill goes down your spine at the long anticipated arrival; here it comes. You stand out in what has become the cold, and the rain soaks into your skin and soon you are wet. But you don't care, and just stand there and stare. It's amazing. It's beautiful. It's all it was meant to be. And while the rest of the world has given itself up to slumber, here you are, the sole witness to a microcosm of God's glory. And behold, it was Very Good.

How To Set Guards 101

Tuesday, June 26th, 2018

Hello class, for the first segment of our new series on how to properly set and install guard rails properly while following all the mandatory requirements that are not optional to follow, we will be watching a six and a half hour instructional video of how NOT to do it, and point out what should have been down instead as we go along. Wait, what's that? Our VHS is out of commission? Well in that case, go ahead and read this summary, it should prepare you well enough for the quiz at the start of next week's class. Take one and pass it on!

Once upon a time, in a land not so far away for some, but far far away to others, there dwelt a pad devoid of any grass, mushroom, or flowering plant. Actually, there was only one flowering plant, and that's because there was a tank battery (a miniature plant, technically (not the biological use of the word though (#explainingapun))) in the process of being built (flowering). There also dwelt near this place a person who was driving to work. It was morning. 6:17 to be exact. When he got there, he and two others were sent to install five pieces of guard rails around some electrical panels, and they were told to make it pretty. That meant that all of the pieces should be in a straight line, and the corners should be square, and also in a straight line. Simple. Easy peasy. Except... only half the holes could b dug with the augur of the skidsteer, the others had to be dug by hand using frost bars and post-hole diggers. One person would break up the ground with the seven-foot-long fifteen-pound iron bar, and the other would take the dirt away with the diggers. By and by, three of the five guards were set. Things were looking up.

[Switching to first-person now... ahhahahae]

But then, everything changed when the measuring tape attacked. Only the foreman, master of all four guard rail placement methods, could fix it. But then, when we needed him most, he vanished and left to the new pad. Fifteen minutes passed and my coworkers and I discovered a new way to contact the foreman; a cellular phone from AT&T. (Although its coverage is great, it's got a long way to go before it's going to be used by anyone.) But I believe that the foreman can solve anything.

You see, we had a problem. Between each of our corner pieces there was twenty-six feet, in which we had to fit two ten-foot guard rails, with three feet of space between each one. And the measuring tape doesn't lie. You do the math. Yeah... that wasn't happening. We looked around site to see if maybe there was a five-foot guard rail or something, but no luck. Perhaps we could just use one guard and split the difference between the corners...? But that wouldn't work either, for you mustn't have more than a five-foot gap between guards. After calling the foreman to see what he had to say, we were less than ecstatic. We had to tear out the ones we had placed and simply push them down an extra couple feet past the electrical box to give us enough distance. Annoying, yes, but a simple plan to execute.

Or so it would seem. After we pulled them all out and had re-dug the holes for the first one, I had an idea: "How about we just put enough dirt back in to make sure it doesn't move, then go on to the next one till we get them all lined up. That way if we have to change one it won't be too hard." The answer was no. "We already have a plan that will work, let's get on with it." Being the newest and youngest hand there, I had no choice but to comply. Eventually, after much more digging and setting, and after compacting the dirt around the posts nice and tight so they wouldn't budge, we came to the last corner piece. When we put it in place... it was not square. Like at all. There was no smudgin the lines with this baby, it was WAY out of line. So... we had to pull a few more out and redo them. And then redo a few more, all the way until we had pulled them all out, except one, and reset them again. (One corner was out of line, but despite my saying otherwise, they said it was good. Which.. it wasn't. Oh well.)  This was also a fairly hot day, and with a dry wind to boot. And a lot of frost bar work. That thing gets tiring after a while, once you've been digging and compacting with it for a few hours. But anyways, our third try at getting them proved a failure, as our line wasn't straight, and the only way to make it straight would put our final guard rail three feet away from the electrical box, when it was supposed to be five feet away.

We were just about to pull them out again when the foreman showed up. He didn't like that it was slightly crooked, but he didn't want us to have to go do it all over again, so we compromised and made it work. And that's how we managed to string out a simple project over the course of several hours. Oh, and did I mention that setting guards is my least favorite part of my job? Well it is. And that's what we did all day long. Hahae, near the end I could hardly keep from laughing at the whole situation, it really was unique. Well, I guess that's just how it goes sometimes. Hopefully tomorrow will be better!

Snapshots

From the past couple weeks:

1. It was hot. Even for me. The day dragged on as we worked out in the sun. We decided to go to the truck real quick to get some human fuel. We were all burning up with barely any energy left, and were all slightly dehydrated. It was kinda miserable. As I was drinking some water, Kylie grabbed his 8-pack of uncooked hotdogs. He took one out and started to eat it just as Lupe walked up.
Kylie: Want a hotdog?
Lupe: [long sigh] I guess so. [Lupe took it and paused a moment before taking an unsavored bite.]
Me: Yes, we've reached that point in the day.
All: [laugh at the trueness and funnyness of it, but mainly because we're silently dying inside.

2. Kylie and Kyle and I looked up at the sky. There was a savage break in the sky where it was all of a sudden clear, with dark clouds all around. You could see the clouds moving in a circle and coming back around... funny.
-several hours later-
A quintessential bolt of thunder struck some blade of grass or leaf of tree far off in the distance. It was a straight bolt of lightning, very thick, and it stayed there for a couple seconds before flashing away. It was the type of lightning skilled photographer take pictures of and post online. There were numerous other flashes of lightning off in the distance, where the wind was coming from. In a little bit the storm would really be upon us.
-twentyish minutes later-
"Roll up, let's go!" Everybody dashed around putting all our tools and materials away as the rain came down ever stronger and stronger. We were all joking around while sparkys were hooping and hollering. Then we drove over to the job trailer to drop off the last of it, and then it really came. In a matter of moments we were all soaked through! Nothing quite like a good thunderstorm. Smiles abounded.

3. Kylie, Lupe, and Kenny and I were driving back after another good day of work. As is not uncommon when we're not working, we were instead busy messing around and whatnot. Kenny and Kylie were up front hitting each other, but for some reason Kenny kept hitting Kylie's elbow, which seemed to cause him pain for some reason, as evidenced by his intermittent slight outbursts. This confused me, because it didn't even look like a hard smack.
Me: Why do you care so much about getting hit in the elbow?
Kylie: He's not hitting my elbow, he's pinching my triceps! That stuff hurts!
Me: Hmm, I've never gotten pinched in the triceps before.
Kylie: What!? You haven't?
Me: Nope.
Kylie: Well you should give it a try.
Me: Hahae, ok.
Kenny turned around as I proffered my arm, and he gave it a good pinch. I mean, it was a pinch, but it wasn't like bad or anything. I didn't say anything, either in word or in facial expression.
Me: Hmm.
Kylie: What!? That didn't hurt? [a look of incredulosity washed over his wash]
Me: Well maybe if you had real triceps that wouldn't be an issue.
Kenny: Ooooohhh...
Kylie: Wow. That was... You know, you're getting meaner as time goes on.
Kenny and I: [just laugh and chuckle]
Kylie: [scrinches up eyes and nose in that face you make when you got burned but can't think up a good response]

4. Another time on the way back from work. This time Kenny and Lupe were going at it, insulting each other and vocally wishing they could hit the other person.
Kenny: Hey, we're off site now, you wanna go?
Lupe: Yeah, let's do it.
Kenny: Kylie, stop the car!
Both Kenny and Lupe jumped out and sprinted around the corner of the truck and started going at it... except they were just moving their hands up and down rapidly slapping each other in a very weird manner. Kylie and I were just watching and laughing at the strange sight before us. Soon they called it quits and returned to their seats and we got going again. The funny thing was, Lupe almost slipped on the mud running around the truck and almost fell into the mire! I think we all would've laughed pretty hard at that.

5. Jex and I were running some errands on my day off. She had a big bright smile on her face and wouldn't stop looking at me. She was so happy to be out and doing stuff! Then we approached the house; I was going to drop something off and then go get one more thing. Jex's smile fell. She sulked and pouted, sad that we were back at the house already. But after I dropped off the stuff and jumped in the truck and started driving, she was happy and smiling again! hahahae, she's so funny. I'm just glad I get to have her with me!

Note: I'll probably be adding a few more things here as they happen. Check back later and you might just find a few more 'snapshots.'

6. I was walking along the catwalks up on the tanks, when I noticed that Kylie and Nate were down below bolting up a piece of pipe. "heh heh, oh this is just perfect." I thought to myself. So I leaned over the railing and made a loud 'hou-ick' sound. You know, the sound people make when they're about to hack up and spit out a big ole lougy, ball of snot, spit, etc. Kylie snapped his head up and stared up at me. "Don't you you dare! I'll go up there and whup your ass!" I just started laughing and laughing. I never actually spat anything, but the effect was still quite impressive.

7. Nate and Kylie were bolting up two pieces of pipe one day. They were both very similar, but one was a little longer than the other. It was pretty hot out and our foremen, Kenny and Kyle, were sitting in the truck. Nate and Kylie and I came up with a great plan though that would be super hilarious, a plan to get Kenny to come out of the truck and over to us for no reason at all. We were all laughing about how great the plan was, and by and by we put it into action. I walked over to the truck with a no-nonsense we-got-stuff-to-do face, and informed Kenny and Kyle that the piece was too big to go in the spot between our two water tanks. Kenny started to explain how it should go, and I said, "Yeah, they've tried and tried though and it won't fit." Then with a sigh of exasperation Kenny said, "Ah, fine, I'll just go out there and show you." So we both walked around the tanks and low and behold, both pieces were already in! "What..." Kenny began to say, before he was drowned out by all three of ours laughter. Kyle came over just then too and joined in the laughter. It was pretty great. A flawless plan, and a flawless execution.

PC: Who Cares?

You know what burns me up? PC. Not a computer, not political correctness, (not that these things don't burn me up, but that's just not what I'm talking about right now) but rather picture credits. Particularly, referring to adding 'pc: John Doe' at the top of a picture that you posted on facebook. First off, I want to say that this isn't an inherently bad practice. Sometimes moms end up taking a lot of pictures and not being in them, and it's nice to know where they were in that family picture. If it's a particularly pretty picture, it can also be a way of showing where the true praise for the picture should be directed to. Alright, this is all fine and well, but where does it start going awry? The quintessential example is when someone inevitably comments, "picture credits?" or something like that on your post. Maybe if you're a professional photographer trying to safeguard their material, or the picture is particularly outstanding, say, a chameleon with its tongue out just about to catch a fly, this is understandable and acceptable to comment.

But by and large, it seems like people are thinking far too much of themselves. A pithy saying comes to mind: Humility isn't thinking less of yourself, it's thinking of yourself less. Come on guys, let's be real. Nobody cares who took the picture. That picture you took of your two friends? They could've just as easily asked a random stranger to take it for them, and nobody would've been the wiser. The point of that picture and that facebook post wasn't to highlight the awesome photography skillz of the picture taker, it was to highlight the two people's friendship. (Or maybe they just wanted a picture for the heck of it, is that too much to ask!?) If you're really that concerned about getting picture creds for some random, everyday photo, you should probably reconsider your motives. Or maybe just consider your motives; perhaps you never thought about why you're asking for photo creds in the first place. Don't be tooting your own horn, nobody likes that kind of guy. 'That guy' is oftentimes a proud, obnoxious braggart who only thinks and talks of how awesome he is. Don't be 'that guy.'

One last thing to leave you with: good deeds, good work, and just goodness in general, don't stay hidden forever. If you're worried about not getting the recognition you think you deserve, don't. It all works out in the end. Do the good things you do for the right reason: don't do them to get praise from your friends, do them because they are GOOD. Trust that God will take care of the rest.

How To Apple

Tuesday, June 12th, 2018

Lunchbreak. It's perhaps the single best thirty minutes I am glad to call my own each day. It's that time when legs think of sitting down, stomachs thin of eating, and sweat glands get a break thanks to the truc's AC. Except I was delayed by having to change the orientation of a flange for the electricians, so it was twenty minutes. But that's besides the point; first things first, my apple! Such sage advice as probably comes to mind when you realize I eat an apple each day at the start of my lunchbreak is totally true, and bears no repeating: you already know what it is! Anyways, I bit into my apple with all the gusto a hungry panda has for bamboo, but something wasn't quite right. Hmm. I kept on eating, but slower. Then, with my next bite, it hit me... I opened up the door and, "Pfbth!!" spat out my half chewed bite of apple: it was rotten! Ughh, nasty. My foreman, Kenny, happened to be in our truck this lunchbreak, and he said, "Close the door, you're letting the AC out!" I closed the door, and explained my rotten apple. Kylie ruminated, "Well why are you eating it then? Just throw it away, we have a trash bag up here you know." "Ughh, yeah, I'm not gonna eat that." There was a plastic bag with some stuff in it on the center between the two up front seats, so I tossed my half eaten rotten apple in there and then leaned back in my seat. (Brief addendum: all of us guys here have a tendency to joke around with each other a lot, and we really get a kick out of it and have a lot of fun. I wasn't prepared for what was going to happen next...) Kenny turned his head around and looked right at me with a straight face and declared, "You little shit." I diddn't now how to respond, so said simply, "What, it's not my fault the apple was rotten!" Then Kylie started laughing. I didn't understand what was going on until Kylie said, "That's his lunch bag, the trash bag is up here!" And then I realized what I'd done: I threw my rotten apple in the bossman's lunch bag!! I burst into laughter, and together Kylie and I beset Kenny with our hearty laughs. I pulled the apple out and tossed it in the real trash, and then we went back to eating our lunches. And that, my friends, is some of the fun stuff we find ourselves getting into around here.