On your average day, I'm one of those guys who really hates being stuck at a stoplight. I will go out of my way to avoid them, even if it means adding another minute or two to my drive. And for me, it's worth it. Today, however, was a different story. I turned left at a stop sign right after a copcar had done the same, except I had to wait for a few pedestrians to cross first. As such, he got to get to the redlight first and wait. I pulled up behind him a moment or two later. Immediately, I realized something was going wrong. There was a FedEx truck on the other side of the road, but he wasn't moving. He was stationary. Very stationary. I imagine he was busy delivering a package and that's why the truck was so stationary. Now, as scientific studies have shown, stationary vehicles are more than twice as likely to impede traffic flow when on roadways than their non-stationary peers. Now I, personally, can confirm that this study has at least some empirical evidence to back up its claims. There was a string of cars behind him waiting to get going, and then there was one car, the last one in line, who also tried to make the light and turn onto the clogged road. This didn't end so well. The light turned red and then traffic from the other direction had a fairly difficult time getting around this individual in the middle of the intersection. There were also two cars trying, and failing, to back out of their coffee shop parking spots. They couldn't accomplish their goal because myself, the copcar, and the car in front of him were stuck at the light. I also realized at that moment that had I noticed before pulling up behind the copcar that the FedEx truck was in fact stationary and there was a pile of cars behind him, I could've hugged the right side of the road so there'd be enough space for them to squeeze by and so solve the traffic problem that was developing. But unfortunately, I was not paying enough attention to notice this before a car pulled up behind me and locked me in position.
Well, it couldn't get much worse than this. At least the light was about to change. Finally, after what seemed like ages, we got the green. But you know what? The car in front of the copcar wanted to turn left, and guess who was still in the middle of the intersection blocking everything? You already know who it is. That Guy. So then the car who wanted to turn left did what any reasonable person would do under these circumstances: he gave up on going left and decided to go straight and slightly readjust his travel plans so that all the cars that had piled up behind me could get by. He took one for the team. Or at least, that what we all hoped he'd have done. In reality though, he decided he'd be better off if he just waited for the car to move so he could turn left like he wanted. Time passed. More cars piled up behind me and in the left turn lane of the other road. The light turned red. The cross-traffic painstakingly maneuvered themselves around That Guy in the intersection. Slowly. Finally, the cops in front of me had had enough. They threw open their doors and jumped out very determinedly. One headed for the car in front of them to tell them to go straight to alleviate traffic, while the other headed for the FedEx truck to get him to move ASAP. Now, I'd been laughing and chuckling to myself throughout this entire ordeal because it was just too much, but the cops actually getting out of their squad-car was the icing on the cake. Or was it? Just then the FedEx truck's engine roared to life and he started to lurch forward. The one cop, visibly frustrated, immediately turned around and called to his buddy, and they both hopped back in their car. As the line of cars finally drove on by, the cops honked angrily at That Guy who had managed to block the entire intersection. Soon enough the light changed again and everybody was stonefacedly going on their way, annoyed at the unnecessary stupidity and trafficjam. And then there was me, laughing my head off as I turned left and made it through just in time to hit the yellow light and make it up 6th street. Life is truly a joy, even with all its unforeseen roadblocks.
Still tho, don't be That Guy. Please.
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