How To Set Guards 101

Tuesday, June 26th, 2018

Hello class, for the first segment of our new series on how to properly set and install guard rails properly while following all the mandatory requirements that are not optional to follow, we will be watching a six and a half hour instructional video of how NOT to do it, and point out what should have been down instead as we go along. Wait, what's that? Our VHS is out of commission? Well in that case, go ahead and read this summary, it should prepare you well enough for the quiz at the start of next week's class. Take one and pass it on!

Once upon a time, in a land not so far away for some, but far far away to others, there dwelt a pad devoid of any grass, mushroom, or flowering plant. Actually, there was only one flowering plant, and that's because there was a tank battery (a miniature plant, technically (not the biological use of the word though (#explainingapun))) in the process of being built (flowering). There also dwelt near this place a person who was driving to work. It was morning. 6:17 to be exact. When he got there, he and two others were sent to install five pieces of guard rails around some electrical panels, and they were told to make it pretty. That meant that all of the pieces should be in a straight line, and the corners should be square, and also in a straight line. Simple. Easy peasy. Except... only half the holes could b dug with the augur of the skidsteer, the others had to be dug by hand using frost bars and post-hole diggers. One person would break up the ground with the seven-foot-long fifteen-pound iron bar, and the other would take the dirt away with the diggers. By and by, three of the five guards were set. Things were looking up.

[Switching to first-person now... ahhahahae]

But then, everything changed when the measuring tape attacked. Only the foreman, master of all four guard rail placement methods, could fix it. But then, when we needed him most, he vanished and left to the new pad. Fifteen minutes passed and my coworkers and I discovered a new way to contact the foreman; a cellular phone from AT&T. (Although its coverage is great, it's got a long way to go before it's going to be used by anyone.) But I believe that the foreman can solve anything.

You see, we had a problem. Between each of our corner pieces there was twenty-six feet, in which we had to fit two ten-foot guard rails, with three feet of space between each one. And the measuring tape doesn't lie. You do the math. Yeah... that wasn't happening. We looked around site to see if maybe there was a five-foot guard rail or something, but no luck. Perhaps we could just use one guard and split the difference between the corners...? But that wouldn't work either, for you mustn't have more than a five-foot gap between guards. After calling the foreman to see what he had to say, we were less than ecstatic. We had to tear out the ones we had placed and simply push them down an extra couple feet past the electrical box to give us enough distance. Annoying, yes, but a simple plan to execute.

Or so it would seem. After we pulled them all out and had re-dug the holes for the first one, I had an idea: "How about we just put enough dirt back in to make sure it doesn't move, then go on to the next one till we get them all lined up. That way if we have to change one it won't be too hard." The answer was no. "We already have a plan that will work, let's get on with it." Being the newest and youngest hand there, I had no choice but to comply. Eventually, after much more digging and setting, and after compacting the dirt around the posts nice and tight so they wouldn't budge, we came to the last corner piece. When we put it in place... it was not square. Like at all. There was no smudgin the lines with this baby, it was WAY out of line. So... we had to pull a few more out and redo them. And then redo a few more, all the way until we had pulled them all out, except one, and reset them again. (One corner was out of line, but despite my saying otherwise, they said it was good. Which.. it wasn't. Oh well.)  This was also a fairly hot day, and with a dry wind to boot. And a lot of frost bar work. That thing gets tiring after a while, once you've been digging and compacting with it for a few hours. But anyways, our third try at getting them proved a failure, as our line wasn't straight, and the only way to make it straight would put our final guard rail three feet away from the electrical box, when it was supposed to be five feet away.

We were just about to pull them out again when the foreman showed up. He didn't like that it was slightly crooked, but he didn't want us to have to go do it all over again, so we compromised and made it work. And that's how we managed to string out a simple project over the course of several hours. Oh, and did I mention that setting guards is my least favorite part of my job? Well it is. And that's what we did all day long. Hahae, near the end I could hardly keep from laughing at the whole situation, it really was unique. Well, I guess that's just how it goes sometimes. Hopefully tomorrow will be better!

Snapshots

From the past couple weeks:

1. It was hot. Even for me. The day dragged on as we worked out in the sun. We decided to go to the truck real quick to get some human fuel. We were all burning up with barely any energy left, and were all slightly dehydrated. It was kinda miserable. As I was drinking some water, Kylie grabbed his 8-pack of uncooked hotdogs. He took one out and started to eat it just as Lupe walked up.
Kylie: Want a hotdog?
Lupe: [long sigh] I guess so. [Lupe took it and paused a moment before taking an unsavored bite.]
Me: Yes, we've reached that point in the day.
All: [laugh at the trueness and funnyness of it, but mainly because we're silently dying inside.

2. Kylie and Kyle and I looked up at the sky. There was a savage break in the sky where it was all of a sudden clear, with dark clouds all around. You could see the clouds moving in a circle and coming back around... funny.
-several hours later-
A quintessential bolt of thunder struck some blade of grass or leaf of tree far off in the distance. It was a straight bolt of lightning, very thick, and it stayed there for a couple seconds before flashing away. It was the type of lightning skilled photographer take pictures of and post online. There were numerous other flashes of lightning off in the distance, where the wind was coming from. In a little bit the storm would really be upon us.
-twentyish minutes later-
"Roll up, let's go!" Everybody dashed around putting all our tools and materials away as the rain came down ever stronger and stronger. We were all joking around while sparkys were hooping and hollering. Then we drove over to the job trailer to drop off the last of it, and then it really came. In a matter of moments we were all soaked through! Nothing quite like a good thunderstorm. Smiles abounded.

3. Kylie, Lupe, and Kenny and I were driving back after another good day of work. As is not uncommon when we're not working, we were instead busy messing around and whatnot. Kenny and Kylie were up front hitting each other, but for some reason Kenny kept hitting Kylie's elbow, which seemed to cause him pain for some reason, as evidenced by his intermittent slight outbursts. This confused me, because it didn't even look like a hard smack.
Me: Why do you care so much about getting hit in the elbow?
Kylie: He's not hitting my elbow, he's pinching my triceps! That stuff hurts!
Me: Hmm, I've never gotten pinched in the triceps before.
Kylie: What!? You haven't?
Me: Nope.
Kylie: Well you should give it a try.
Me: Hahae, ok.
Kenny turned around as I proffered my arm, and he gave it a good pinch. I mean, it was a pinch, but it wasn't like bad or anything. I didn't say anything, either in word or in facial expression.
Me: Hmm.
Kylie: What!? That didn't hurt? [a look of incredulosity washed over his wash]
Me: Well maybe if you had real triceps that wouldn't be an issue.
Kenny: Ooooohhh...
Kylie: Wow. That was... You know, you're getting meaner as time goes on.
Kenny and I: [just laugh and chuckle]
Kylie: [scrinches up eyes and nose in that face you make when you got burned but can't think up a good response]

4. Another time on the way back from work. This time Kenny and Lupe were going at it, insulting each other and vocally wishing they could hit the other person.
Kenny: Hey, we're off site now, you wanna go?
Lupe: Yeah, let's do it.
Kenny: Kylie, stop the car!
Both Kenny and Lupe jumped out and sprinted around the corner of the truck and started going at it... except they were just moving their hands up and down rapidly slapping each other in a very weird manner. Kylie and I were just watching and laughing at the strange sight before us. Soon they called it quits and returned to their seats and we got going again. The funny thing was, Lupe almost slipped on the mud running around the truck and almost fell into the mire! I think we all would've laughed pretty hard at that.

5. Jex and I were running some errands on my day off. She had a big bright smile on her face and wouldn't stop looking at me. She was so happy to be out and doing stuff! Then we approached the house; I was going to drop something off and then go get one more thing. Jex's smile fell. She sulked and pouted, sad that we were back at the house already. But after I dropped off the stuff and jumped in the truck and started driving, she was happy and smiling again! hahahae, she's so funny. I'm just glad I get to have her with me!

Note: I'll probably be adding a few more things here as they happen. Check back later and you might just find a few more 'snapshots.'

6. I was walking along the catwalks up on the tanks, when I noticed that Kylie and Nate were down below bolting up a piece of pipe. "heh heh, oh this is just perfect." I thought to myself. So I leaned over the railing and made a loud 'hou-ick' sound. You know, the sound people make when they're about to hack up and spit out a big ole lougy, ball of snot, spit, etc. Kylie snapped his head up and stared up at me. "Don't you you dare! I'll go up there and whup your ass!" I just started laughing and laughing. I never actually spat anything, but the effect was still quite impressive.

7. Nate and Kylie were bolting up two pieces of pipe one day. They were both very similar, but one was a little longer than the other. It was pretty hot out and our foremen, Kenny and Kyle, were sitting in the truck. Nate and Kylie and I came up with a great plan though that would be super hilarious, a plan to get Kenny to come out of the truck and over to us for no reason at all. We were all laughing about how great the plan was, and by and by we put it into action. I walked over to the truck with a no-nonsense we-got-stuff-to-do face, and informed Kenny and Kyle that the piece was too big to go in the spot between our two water tanks. Kenny started to explain how it should go, and I said, "Yeah, they've tried and tried though and it won't fit." Then with a sigh of exasperation Kenny said, "Ah, fine, I'll just go out there and show you." So we both walked around the tanks and low and behold, both pieces were already in! "What..." Kenny began to say, before he was drowned out by all three of ours laughter. Kyle came over just then too and joined in the laughter. It was pretty great. A flawless plan, and a flawless execution.

PC: Who Cares?

You know what burns me up? PC. Not a computer, not political correctness, (not that these things don't burn me up, but that's just not what I'm talking about right now) but rather picture credits. Particularly, referring to adding 'pc: John Doe' at the top of a picture that you posted on facebook. First off, I want to say that this isn't an inherently bad practice. Sometimes moms end up taking a lot of pictures and not being in them, and it's nice to know where they were in that family picture. If it's a particularly pretty picture, it can also be a way of showing where the true praise for the picture should be directed to. Alright, this is all fine and well, but where does it start going awry? The quintessential example is when someone inevitably comments, "picture credits?" or something like that on your post. Maybe if you're a professional photographer trying to safeguard their material, or the picture is particularly outstanding, say, a chameleon with its tongue out just about to catch a fly, this is understandable and acceptable to comment.

But by and large, it seems like people are thinking far too much of themselves. A pithy saying comes to mind: Humility isn't thinking less of yourself, it's thinking of yourself less. Come on guys, let's be real. Nobody cares who took the picture. That picture you took of your two friends? They could've just as easily asked a random stranger to take it for them, and nobody would've been the wiser. The point of that picture and that facebook post wasn't to highlight the awesome photography skillz of the picture taker, it was to highlight the two people's friendship. (Or maybe they just wanted a picture for the heck of it, is that too much to ask!?) If you're really that concerned about getting picture creds for some random, everyday photo, you should probably reconsider your motives. Or maybe just consider your motives; perhaps you never thought about why you're asking for photo creds in the first place. Don't be tooting your own horn, nobody likes that kind of guy. 'That guy' is oftentimes a proud, obnoxious braggart who only thinks and talks of how awesome he is. Don't be 'that guy.'

One last thing to leave you with: good deeds, good work, and just goodness in general, don't stay hidden forever. If you're worried about not getting the recognition you think you deserve, don't. It all works out in the end. Do the good things you do for the right reason: don't do them to get praise from your friends, do them because they are GOOD. Trust that God will take care of the rest.

How To Apple

Tuesday, June 12th, 2018

Lunchbreak. It's perhaps the single best thirty minutes I am glad to call my own each day. It's that time when legs think of sitting down, stomachs thin of eating, and sweat glands get a break thanks to the truc's AC. Except I was delayed by having to change the orientation of a flange for the electricians, so it was twenty minutes. But that's besides the point; first things first, my apple! Such sage advice as probably comes to mind when you realize I eat an apple each day at the start of my lunchbreak is totally true, and bears no repeating: you already know what it is! Anyways, I bit into my apple with all the gusto a hungry panda has for bamboo, but something wasn't quite right. Hmm. I kept on eating, but slower. Then, with my next bite, it hit me... I opened up the door and, "Pfbth!!" spat out my half chewed bite of apple: it was rotten! Ughh, nasty. My foreman, Kenny, happened to be in our truck this lunchbreak, and he said, "Close the door, you're letting the AC out!" I closed the door, and explained my rotten apple. Kylie ruminated, "Well why are you eating it then? Just throw it away, we have a trash bag up here you know." "Ughh, yeah, I'm not gonna eat that." There was a plastic bag with some stuff in it on the center between the two up front seats, so I tossed my half eaten rotten apple in there and then leaned back in my seat. (Brief addendum: all of us guys here have a tendency to joke around with each other a lot, and we really get a kick out of it and have a lot of fun. I wasn't prepared for what was going to happen next...) Kenny turned his head around and looked right at me with a straight face and declared, "You little shit." I diddn't now how to respond, so said simply, "What, it's not my fault the apple was rotten!" Then Kylie started laughing. I didn't understand what was going on until Kylie said, "That's his lunch bag, the trash bag is up here!" And then I realized what I'd done: I threw my rotten apple in the bossman's lunch bag!! I burst into laughter, and together Kylie and I beset Kenny with our hearty laughs. I pulled the apple out and tossed it in the real trash, and then we went back to eating our lunches. And that, my friends, is some of the fun stuff we find ourselves getting into around here.

Mountain Mischievousness

Hmm. It was too perfect. Something had just struck me: I had a blue bike and a blue helmet, Zach had a green bike and helmet, Trey had orange, and Johanna had black and pink. It just seemed to fit, and I inwardly laughed to myself. (I would hope it was to myself... the alternatives aren't very attractive, hahahae.) Anyways, we were all set for a nice ride through the mountains; it was my first time going dirt biking for real! (There was a fake first time two years ago, but it was much less glamorous and hardly counted in the first place.) We all sat on our bikes and surveyed the path ahead; yup, it'll be great! Ten minutes later I finally got my back started and going after dozens of previous attempts ending in a pathetic stallout even before I'd moved an inch. I wasn't very used to the... well, anything really. It was all strange and new territory for me. A dozen or two yards down the way I stole a look back and saw everybody staring up themselves. We were off! I turned left at the road, only to find out we were going right. So I tried to turn around, but stalled out. Ugh. Nine minutes later I got it going again, and I puttered away. This was Johanna's second time biking, so she wasn't super confidant herself in terms of going fast, so she and I went slow down the road while Zach and Trey went off the road and cruised amongst the trees and went up the hills a little ways and came back and so forth. Eventually I got bored of just going slow along the main road and went off into a little baby clearing. I navigated between the trees and bushes and rocks, but stalled it again. Eventually I got it going again, only to stall it promptly again. Everybody else stayed in the general area, and kind of more or less drove super sloppy circles around me while I tried to start it again. It was slightly frustrating. Johanna said a word of encouragement whilst puttering by, and Zach gave me another tip for starting it. After getting going again, we went back out on the road so I could get used to driving around and not stalling out before reentering the woods. So off we went.

By and by I found myself a little ways up front, Zach and Trey a bit behind going off the road for a bit, and Johanna trailing not too far behind me. All of a sudden I broke out from the trees and found myself amidst a large grassy area with loping hills and no rocks. Then I got excited: here was a nice spot to finally drive around not in a straight line without trees to get in the way and make me stallout! So I started driving wherever I fancied in this grassy mountaintop fieldy area. And then, it clicked. I got it. At once, everything made sense and it was as if I had been seeing through a mirror darkly, but now it was clear! Now I didn't take the easiest, clearest route, I instead went wherever my heart longed to. At one point I came across a sudden rise in the ground (i.e. a hill or bump) and gave the throttle a good burst and did a little baby jump! Both wheels got off the ground maybe twelve inches or so; it wasn't much, but I was stoked! Then Zach arrived, and together we drove around in a seemingly random fashion going up hills and through ditches and so forth. It was amazing!

After that everything was fun. I didn't have to think near so hard about what I was doing, and I could go wheresoever I pleased. Eventually Zach and I found ourselves ahead of the others a little ways. There was a cute little rectangle of tall grass off to the left that ran alongside the road for a good long ways, so we turned off. Down further to the left ran a a beautiful stream, and we both puttered slowly along the better to get a good look at it. Zach even stopped altogether to gaze at it and take it all in. I puttered past him, and then he started pointing straight ahead to where I was heading; evidently we weren't turning around here but were going to continue along down the road. A moment later I turned my gaze back from the stream to where I was going, and noticed something funny: the grass up ahead didn't look like grass. It was much coarser and... huh, that's funny, it looked almost like the top of trees. All at once my mind became undeceived and I deciphered what I was looking at: it was a gorge! It was too late to turn around now, I was only a few feet away from the edge. "Here goes nothing!" I said to myself, "Guess we'll just have to try and ride it out and make it up the other side." I crashed and ripped through the brush and little trees, reached the bottom without dying, and then a grin creeped across my face. "Heh heh, I got this." I added more throttle as I started up the other side, and halfway up, the brush and little trees were too thick and the throttle not enough, and all at once I just stopped where I was. The bike didn't even fall over, and I was still sitting down when I took my helmet off and started laughing. Meanwhile, Zach didn't know how deep the gorge was, for all he knew it was a veritable mountainside cliff. He ran over quick as he could, and when he reached the top and saw me on the other side, he too burst into laughter. By this time Trey and Johanna pulled up and also got their fill of comedy. I started beating down the brush so I could push the bike out, and then Zach and Trey came and helped me, and together we got it up the other side of the gorge.

We all decided to take a quick break and laugh about what happened and recount it back in detail. Had I gone about a foot and a half more to the left, I would've ran straight into a boulder at the bottom of that gorge, and it'd've been a whole different sort of story. Handily, I walked away with only a handful of scratches on my hands. Anyways, I ran down to the stream to slake my thirst, and upon my return we set off again. The rest of the day was loads of fun, (Trey did a lot of cool tricksy stuff on his bike, like riding up in a semi-circle along a super steep sheer rock cliff, among other things) and on the way back I got into fifth gear going some fifty odd miles an hour. It was exhilarating and left you wanting to keep going on forever, but darkness has a way of convincing one it's time to call it quits, and so we packed up and left. So ended my first trip to the mountains for bike riding. Hopefully there'll be more to come!