How To Greet People 101

It is not uncommon for two people to greet one other when they see each other in the marketplace, or around town, or anywhere for that matter. Especially if these two people know each other, and even more so if they deem each other friends. But what sort of greeting is appropriate for each scenario? Are there more situations that would require a different sort of greeting? Everybody has their own unique answers to these questions, even if they haven't considered them directly. Here, though, I will tell you my thoughts on the subject, and explain why I greet people the way I do.

1. Greeting Random People

First off, I'll mention that sometimes this is necessary (or at least called for). Perhaps you were looking at them somewhat more intently than usual because they looked like someone you know, but it turns out they were just some random person. And then they notice you staring at them. You might want to greet them in some form or fashion to avoid social awkwardness. This reason also applies for those times when you make eye contact with people as you walk by. All that to say, greeting random people can be justified. So, if I'm going to greet a stranger, I first ask myself a few questions before greeting them:

1. Are they by a significant margin my elder?  = significant downward nod

2. Are they significantly younger than me?  = slight upward nod

3. Are they a potential threat?  = slight click of the mouth, no-nonsense facial expression

4. Are they my equal?  = slight upward nod

5. Are they a lady?  = significant downward nod

[PLEASE NOTE: 'Lady' is a specific term and is not synonymous with 'woman', 'girl', or 'person of the feminine gender'. Used in this particular context, it has an even narrower domain than how I usually use the term. For more details on my usage of this term in the context of this writing, please refer to Article 4, Section 2c of the 'Handbook for Definitions of Commonly Politicized Vocabulary,' or contact the author directly during standard business hours, 9am-5pm, Mon-Fri.]

2. Greeting People You Know

This category is much the same as greeting random people, but with a few exceptions:

1. Are they by a significant margin my elder or my superior?  = significant downward nod, pleasant smile/grin if appropriate

2. Are they significantly younger than me or my inferior?  = significant upward nod, smile of approbation

3. Are they a potential threat?  = slight click of the mouth, no-nonsense facial expression

4. Are they my equal?  = upward nod, smile/grin if appropriate

5. Are they a lady?  = significant downward nod

3. Greeting Friends

If you happen to have any special greeting with a particular friend, this is the time to use it. Otherwise... give them a very exaggerated significant upward nod, and hold your head back for a brief moment. This is a sure sign of friendship, for by revealing your jugular veins you put yourself in a unique place of vulnerability and thus demonstrate the strong trust you have with that friend.